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Friday, 16 October 2015

bees

Today at lunch time a Swarm of bees were building one large hive. Suddenly the bell rang three times. We went to do the rubbish but people told us to go to class. I quickly ran to class and when 
I got in class and we were reading book I got a book and ran to the window and looked at the big bee hive.

5 comments:

  1. This is a great piece of writing Mason. Good use of adverbs and interesting and exciting for the reader. Work on re reading and adding punctuation. Get a friend to check your editing before publishing to help. Yay you!

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  2. This is a great piece of writing Mason. Good use of adverbs and interesting and exciting for the reader. Work on re reading and adding punctuation. Get a friend to check your editing before publishing to help. Yay you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mason I also would have run quickly away from the swarm of bees. The adverb you have used certainly helped me to undersatnd how you ran and the detail most certainly told me why. Keep up the blog posts, its a great way to share your writing and for me to share your learning.
    Mrs Smith

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  4. Bees are really special creates and they provide us with good stuff. Mason sometimes not knowing the bees are there keeps us safe - like you going to do the rubbish like you always do when the bell rings and then reading a book. Something for you to think about, would you have gone to see the bee hive up close if you knew? Would that be safe for you and others? Do you know what bee stings can do to different people?

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  5. but next time do your full stops and your chapters letters

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